Be Present

I have received many “compliments” about how well I multi-task.

My husband: “You are a pro at multi-tasking.”

My mother: “Becky, you get more done than anyone I know.”

Friend: “How do you do it all?”

Since I don’t get a report card full of A’s anymore, I considered these compliments to be evidence of a stellar report card as a woman. I have been known to breast-feed, research the latest political issues online, cook dinner, quiz my son on spelling words, and do squats all at the same time.

Where did this amazing ability get me? Let's see...chronic neck tension, difficulty breathing brought on by hyperventilation, totally stressed out, and on anti-anxiety medication.

My self-analysis has revealed a probable evolution from point A (Doing it All) to point B (On Meds)

Step 1: Task x is not getting done (eg, dusting the baseboards).

Step 2: Me: "I can squeeze it in between making breakfast/getting kids off to school and going to the gym."

Step 3: Me (while dusting): "As soon as I get this section dusted, I need to race to get my workout clothes on, race to get the children dressed, jump in the car, speed to the gym so I’m not late for my class. Then after the gym I have to shower, feed the children, update my website, work on PTA stuff, start planning dinner, look over the older kids’ homework…"

Step 4: "This dusting is taking too long. I’m going to be late for the gym!"

Step 5: "Dust faster! Dust faster!"

Step 6: "Finally done! I hate weeding. Ugh!"

Step 7: "Shoot! That took too long. Now I’m going to be late for the gym, and I won’t get my favorite spot in class. Hurry!"

But there’s a better way!

Take one thing at a time, and stay in the moment....Be present.

My list of potential tasks to complete in a day contains a billion things, but I don’t have to do all of them right now. The truth is, how many of them really HAVE to be completed? Do I really need to dust the tops of the curtain rods every day? Do I really need to clean the lint out of my purse daily? Is it that important that my computer files get organized weekly?

How I stay present:

Step 1: Choose the task that is most important.

Step 2: Focus on it. Do it carefully and fully. Don’t let my mind wander to the next task waiting in line.

Step 3: Think on what I enjoy about the task.

Step 4: If there's not enough time to complete the entire task, don't try to finish it. It's okay to stop and finish later (this is the hardest part for me to do).

Step 5: Stop for a moment and observe my work to feel a sense of accomplishment.

Result: I do a better job, enjoy it more, and have mental, physical, and spiritual resources left to complete the next task.

Today's lesson:

BE PRESENT.

Breathe In Four, Hold Seven, Breathe Out Eight

Oftentimes, I feel like I can't take a deep breath. It's the first indicator to me that I'm not coping with stress appropriately. I learned a quick remedy--not from a doctor or therapist--from Prevention magazine. It goes like this:

Breathe in for 4 counts.

Hold your breath for 7 counts.

Breathe out slowly for 8 counts.

Usually 3 or 4 times through the process returns my breathing back to normal. Then I can think clearly enough to figure out how to handle the current stressor better.

Try it.

The Allegory of the Bike Ride

On an unusually pleasant summer evening, our family decided to ride our bikes to the local grocery store for some ice cream. The hills along the two-mile journey undulate persistently.

My daughter (then 5 years old), excited on the way there, had a terrible time riding her bike up each hill on the way home. She cried and complained, occasionally climbing off her bike in protest, exclaiming "I can't do it!" I stayed with her while the others went on ahead. I encouraged her ("You're muscles are getting stronger!" "Look, we're almost to the top.") and gave her and her bike a little push every so often. When we finally completed the arduous ride home, she was tired, but quickly forgot her travails when she saw the ice cream awaiting her on the table.

This story has become my personal allegory. Often in life I start to climb a hill, but when the incline steepens, I want to give up. I close down, turn inward, and shout, "I can't do it!"

The fall of 2003 presented me with an especially steep hill, one I thought would finish me off. I had accomplished the goals I had set as a teenager (educated and married with children), but I couldn't find inner peace and happiness. Life seemed on the verge of crushing me.

That experience triggered a pursuit of inner peace and balance.

Like my daughter, I have received encouragement and gentle pushes up the hills. I have discovered methods to make it over the hills and back home. Some of these methods have come from medical professionals, others from spiritual teachers, and others from my own research--from yoga to meditation and stress management to gratitude, always with a measure of humor.

While I don't claim to be an expert or a replacement for a licensed professional, I want to share with you what has helped me.